I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
