Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
