i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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