My cat gives me a boner
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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