woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize