so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
