I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
