no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
