he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
