I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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