I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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