So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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