so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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