Quick, to the slutcave!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
