Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
