The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Even my vagina gasped.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize