It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
