I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
