Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
