I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So squirting runs in the family.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
And then my night got REAL pukey
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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