Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize