my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
