party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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