Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
