I feel like abortions should bother me more
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
