Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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