His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
