hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
