Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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