I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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