just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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