I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
birth control should be required to get into college
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
