Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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