and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize