It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
