I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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