you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
