Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Semen is not good for contacts.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
