Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
