can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
