for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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