Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
