Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
