No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
