Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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