im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
