U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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