You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
