4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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