A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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