If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize