True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
