I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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