You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
