I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
