I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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