If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
what day is it and did you see me today?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
