Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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