I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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