I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
