Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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