I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
