In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
