i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize