So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it's like iHOP with fire
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
