I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
