Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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