I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
