I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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