I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
